Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Grey review.

The grey, a movie in which Liam Neeson punches a wolf in the face..... except that he doesn't. No I'm not kidding you. Yes I know that's what drove 96% of the people who saw the movie to see it. Because Liam fucking Neeson is gonna punch a wolf in the face. And before you say anything yes it matter that is is Mr. Nesson, because if it was Johnny who-gives-a-shit punching a wolf in the face you wouldn't care. Unless of course it was Jason Statham punching a wolf in the face that would be cool, but then of course there would have to be a scene in which Mr. Statham went to the wolf den and had sex with one of the girl wolves, which is almost certainly illegal, and that's why Liam Neeson is the star of this movie.

But in all seriousness now, that scene never happens. Oh yeah there's the part with him that the screenshot is from. Where he straps the little booze bottles into his hand and then breaks them.... and that's is. He gets all ready to deck the wolf and then the credits roll. Yup, you sit through the entire fucking movie for that scene and it never fucking happens. If this movie were a girl she would be the queen of blue-balling.

Plot rundown

Not much to say here. Neeson plays a guy with some really hard to pronounce last name who works for..... I don't know what the company he works for does. All I know is it happens in the arctic and he gets paid to shoot wolves so they don't attack the workers at whatever-the-fuck incorporated. Anyway while either heading home or heading there on a plane ride the plane crashes. Nearly everyone dies leaving only Neeson and like six other guys. Now if you're like me you though this would be a stand-off in which the guys dig in and fight against the wolves. That's not what happens. Neeson in forms the guys they are to close to a wolf den and should try to distance themselves and hope the wolves leave them alone. And that's the whole movie. A dwindling party of men run away from wolves. And that's all there is folks.

Is it good? Not really. I was really disappointed with this movie. Even more so than just the fact that there isn't actually a scene where Neeson decks a wolf. The whole movie was just disappointing. In fact the way the movie is done it's closer to horror movie than the action I was expecting. The big bad wolves are actually quite rarely screen and when they are it's never for long, they generally show up just long enough to kill someone then dip out. In fact if the wolves were replaced with something more horror-y it would probably be a much better movie. Have the plane crash occur on top of a secret military base and crazy mutated experiments pop out and chase the guys would have been much better than wolves. And you would only need to re-shoot like, 30 min, probably a lot less honestly. But anyway as it is not really all that great. No it's not terrible and there are certainly much much worse movies, but it's not all that good either.

5.5 cock-teases out of 10



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