Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies Review

This was the third movie I saw over the holiday season and it was also significantly better than the turtles movie, though again, it's not hard to be better than a steaming pile of shit.

So the story here is that big bad Smaug has come out of his house cause of the dwarves poking at him and has decided that the proper course of action to do is to burn down a village, which seems a like a pretty dragonly course of action. So in very short order Smaug is made dead and news of said death spreads very rapidly, soon everyone and their mother is very interested in that very very large pile of recently made unguarded gold laying in the dwarven stronghold.

The dwarves with Bilbo call upon their friends and family, the humans from the nearby ruined town, the elves from the second film, and whole whole lot of orcs are all soon standing around the dwarven settlement interested at getting their hands on the gold.

All in all I think it was a nice film. The movie was well made and a decent ending to the Hobbit trilogy. Was it amazingly outstanding? No. It isn't going to change my life but I enjoyed it. I think the trilogy was good. I watched all three and all three of them were well made films. I would say the second of the three was probably the best despite the spider scene that while I liked it, it still made my skin crawl a little. Spiders are just plain creepy. Venomous eight-eyed guys who have the capacity to climb up walls and across ceilings and sometimes over the surface of water. They also have the intelligence to lie and will play dead if threatened. they also have been known to kill one another and drink blood. Seriously spiders are creepy as shit.

But anyway yeah, very good film. Definitely worth watching. My only real complaint, and I suppose this is a minor spoiler so if you really care don't read the rest of this paragraph, is that Smaug dies like a total bitch. Seriously, I get his death needed to happen fairly quickly as it is the inciting event for all of this to go down but it's just like, here's Smaug, annnnnd he's dead. He's all "I AM FIRE. I AM DEATH. I AM DEAD NOW." That was disappointing but other than that I enjoyed the movie.

8 bitch ass dragons out of 10