YouTube Top 5 (August 1st 2012)

So you may recall, at least I hope you recall cause that would mean you actually read it, that on July 9th I started a new series and said that I would be doing it routinely at the first of each month. Well guess what fucking day it is.

Quick note here: Anyone who read the first YouTube Top 5 will find songs 1, 2, 3, and 5 eerily familiar. More on that at the end of the post.

#1 Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe

So this song is alright. It's not that good, but it's alright. I wanna take a moment here to talk about some of the lyrics. "Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad." Wait what? Before he came into your life you didn't know he existed. How can you miss something you don't know exists? "It's hard to look right at you baby." Really Mrs. Jepsen? You found an individual so amazingly good looking and beautiful that he is on par with the visual appeal of the Greek king of gods Zeus himself, and if you were to gaze directly upon his true form your puny human eyes would burst into flame at heralding such raw magnificence as him. Now then, the big on, the chorus itself. "Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number. So call me maybe." Jepsen you whore! Giving your phone number to a man you just met I bet you let him look at your ankles too didn't you. What would your mother think of you? And the car washing scene, honestly, if you're that desperate to get him to see you, take off your shirt, walk over to him, grab his head, and shove it between your tits. You'll get his attention I promise. But like I said at the beginning, the songs alright.

#2 Maroon 5 - Payphone (feat. Wiz Khalifa)

I was pleasantly surprised to see this in the top five. I'd expected this to be largely songs I'd never heard and might not like. But I have both heard and like this song before. So there's my opinion of this one; I like it. It's good. It's really good. I like cause it's real. "If happy ever afters did exist, I would still be holding you like this. And all those fairy tales are full of shit. One fucking love song I'll be sick." That's real. Fairy tales are cute stories. This song doesn't make me cynical though. It's just like, yeah man I know what you mean.

#3 Justin Beiber - Boyfriend

This is the kind of song I expected I'd run into with this idea of mine. I was sure I would find wildly popular songs from artists that I would almost certainly hate sitting through. Only thing is, I didn't hate it. I thought I'd hate it, but I didn't. I didn't like it really but it was a pleasant surprise compare to what I had expected. When he hits the lyric "I'd like to be everything you want, hey girl lemme talk to you," I actually like his singing, and if the entire song were done like that then I would actually like this song, despite it feeling odd for me to say that. But ya know in the end, Beiber may have looked and sounded like a girl for a while but are we all forgetting the fucking king of pop who did the same damn thing. That's right, I just compared Justin Bieber to Michael fucking Jackson. Deal with it.

#4 One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
Well four songs the same and the only one that's new is worse than the fucking song it replaced. Nice job YouTube. Ugh this song I don't even wanna talk about it. Cause the longer it takes me to write this review the longer it is till my brain can lump up everything about this awful music and throw it the fuck out so I never have to think about it again. No! Fuck. Okay I'm gonna do this. Song is the dude telling the shy girl that she's pretty cause she doesn't know she's pretty and flaunt it. Eh I guess I agree with that. Now then, I hate the singers voices. I hate how the lead enunciates words. The whole video is generic as hell consisting of people on a beach and the fucking director still put his name on the damn thing. Really John Urbano? If I made a bland ass utterly boring video with a terrible fucking band like this bunch of talentless pricks in it I sure as hell wouldn't have put my name in bold lettering on it. Now I've never heard anything else from One Direction, but if this song is any indication I sure as hell am not running out to buy their new album any fucking time soon. I'm done here. This song is awful and unless you enjoy awful music I recommend you avoid it.

#5 Katy Perry - Wide Awake
Alright Katy Perry, I don't actually hate her music much like you might assume a young heterosexual male would. I actually kind like California girlz for a reason other than seeing a nude Katy Perry laying on a pink cloud. I definitely like seeing that though. Yes please. But yeah Wide awake, It's okay. I like the gothic outfit she wears in it. Again yes please. But the actual music part is decent. I don't really like it, but it's alright. Decent beat and she's got a good voice.

So I mentioned that four of these songs probably sounded familiar to anyone who read my first edition of this series. Due to the nature of this series, that's something that may happen. I cannot control the contents of YouTube's high ranking music videos. Apparently YouTube's audiance decided they still like most of the stuff they liked in July, for anyone curious the Katy Perry song has gone all the way down to #6 on their list so it hasn't fallen very far. I do still like the concept of the series so I'm not gonna cancel it right now but when there is a repeated song it will just be a repeat of what I said the first time simply cause if i had something to say I said it, If I had a joke to make, I made it. Hopefully by September there will be some new songs in here.