Upcoming Games 2011, Pt III (Nov. 15)

Saint’s Row: The Third
Platform: X360/PS3/PC
Release Date: Nov. 15,2011
Developer: Volition

Green’s Take:

FUCK YES!! Now I'm sure there are a decent portion of people who are going wtf is this Saint’s Row thing I’ve been seeing it everywhere and whats with this “the third” business I don't recall a one or two. Allow me to clarify. Yes SR1 and SR2 do in fact exist. I personally never knew SR1 existed and never played it; I know only that it led to one of my favorite games ever. I didn’t even know SR2 existed till i showed up at my buddies house one day and he was playing a game in which his character was what appeared the be, and I'm not kidding when i say this, Jesus dressed as a hobo beating the shit out of random civilians and occasionally stabbing them with a switchblade. That’s right my first SR experience was watching hobo Jesus shank some old lady on the street, needless to say i was intrigued. Anyway if I can manage to sidestep the very very long list of praise I could spend all week and at least into next Tuesday proclaiming alound, SR2 was a game about the player awakening from a coma to find his or her gang was totally destroyed and replaced by three other gangs and an evil company. So in short order you decide to take the city and the resident gangs, bend them over the nearest barstool, and shove a big fat one up their ass to remind them who’s really the boss. although in retrospect some of the things you do, particularly to the leader of the brotherhood are so down right horrible its in fact closer to taking you gun and shooting them a new hole right in the taint and fuckin them in that whilst Johnny fucks them in the ass. Seriously though the player makes it a very clear point that they are not to be fucked with, so much so that i believe that i could replay the entire game with a pink haired male and girl’s voice wearing a a neon green hotdog suit and he would still be a badass. Anyway SR3 promises to capitalize on the zany aspects of the second featuring a car with a giant people-launching cannon, a mini-game in which the co-op player must wrestle a live tiger in the back of a car, and boxing gloves that work rather like fallout 3’s bloody mess perk with a 100% chance of creating its namesake. It gonna be epic.

Blue’s Take:

Even though I think it’s considered a crime with the other two authors on this blog, I haven’t played SR1 or SR2 for more than an hour. And that hour was literally driving down the street in the worst car in tha game blasting the song “Gansta Bitch” through his tv cause I found it in the game and thought it was hilarious. That wasn’t the whole hour though. Afterwards, I actually played the game a bit in SR2. At first, I though it was Grand Theft Auto’s retarded cousin, meaning it was GTA made by another company. Upon playing it though, I realized it was  GTA’s cousin, just not retarded. This means I could actually play it. And I liked it. However, I do not have an expendable cash supply and Gamefly is really reluctant to send it to me. It seems like people who rent it it from them want to keep but not actually buy it form them. So they just don’t send it back. Due to that, I probably will buy the third and remove 2 from my Que.

Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary
Platform: X360
Release Date: Nov. 15, 2011
Developer: 343 Industries

Blue’s Take:

Right, so seeing as there are some people, like myself, who have had only a 360 and never an original xbox, this seems actually rather cool. I can see myself getting this and not Halo 4. Yes, despite what I’m about to say about Halo 4 later on, I’m going to leave this out of there and give it it’s own space. It deserves it for good, and bad, reasons. The whole concept of remaking certain games and putting them on new consoles sounds like a good idea. What doesn’t sound like a good idea, is remaking the entire fucking series and slapping an HD label on the end. Many game developers seem to be doing this because originality is dead, but I rather like how 343i approached the idea. They put the anniversary idea and said, hey, we’re doing this. Then they gave actual justification. No matter whether this is true or not, they stated they are doing this because it’s been exactly ten years since the release of Halo: Combat Evolved. And yes, Nov. 15, 2001 was when the original was released and I would love to think that’s the only reason they’re doing this (one rep went as far as to say if this would have happened two years from now, they wouldn’t be doing the remake), but one wonders if a Halo 2 remake is underway. And if so, the people at 343i are on track to be milking the Halo name even worse than Bungie, or at least just as bad.

Assassin’s Creed: Revelations

Platform: X360/PS3/PC/Microwave
Release Date: Nov. 15, 2011
Developer: Ubisoft

Blue’s Take:

Well maybe it’s just me, but when I played the first Assassin’s Creed I loved it. The entire concept that the game was built around excited and intrigued me. I mean, you, the player, gets to be an assassin and do actually assassinations. I was like, “how fucking cool is this?”. I had fun sneaking into the enemies territory and assassinating the target then slipping into the crowd before anyone even knew what was going on. It was great, a good game, good mechanics, and both graphically and aesthetically pleasing. Then AC2 came out. Well, one sequel isn’t bad right? This one was improved and was almost as good as last. Almost as good because the high from killing people in a new way was wearing off because, well, it wasn’t new anymore. Then came Brotherhood. Honestly, I couldn’t finish Brotherhood. The concept got extremely boring, and when I saw a friend beat it, I saw they set it up for a sequel...and well, I sent it back to Gamefly the very next day. Now we’re at Revelations. I might not even get this one. My overall message is Ubisoft, when you milk a cash cow long enough, it might stop giving milk and start producing powder. Oh, and I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to running by microwave for 20 straight hours. I’ve never really had a reason to do it before now.