The Amazing Spiderman Review

Alright so this fourth of July instead of blowing shit up and having a barbecue I went to the movies, and, as anyone who read the title can guess, I saw the new Spiderman movie.

So let's break it down,

Plot
This is a re-vamp so Peter is just a kid at the beginning back in high school without powers. Obviously, in short order he gets bitten by a super spider and gains some cool abilities. Then some guy decides he wants a better life and the obvious way to go about getting one was to turn himself into a giant mutant anthro-lizard. This was actually what I was gonna do when I wanted a better life too, but you would not believe how hard it is to turn yourself into a giant anthro-lizard. It's really tough. I was able to manage an anthro-hawk, anthro-panther, and even an anthro-cupcake but I couldn't pull off lizard so sadly my life sucks. What was I talking about again? Or yeah right Spiderman. What do you want me to say about the plot people? Honestly, there's not much to say. It's a superhero movie. There's a good guy and a bad guy, they fight, the good guy wins. And that is not a fucking spoiler, anyone who was thinking there was any chance of Spiderman losing, I don't even have words for you. Just go take a shovel, dig a hole, and hit yourself in the face with the shovel till you collapse into the hole. Then have your friends bury you, presuming you have any friends.

So yeah is it good? I liked it... some. I think the one thing that makes this movie really work is the actor playing Peter. Peter seems like a much more believable high school kid that got bit and got all these powers. I would list examples here, but they would constitute various degrees of spoiler so that's not happening. Anyway, Peter actually seems like a real kid and I like that. That's really all I have to say about the movie though. Nothing else really sticks out to me other than very slightly the bad guy and his weird mental issue that's never explained. I mean I guess if you turn yourself into a giant lizard you probably aren't right in the head, but then he develops like split personality syndrome for no damn reason in this weird Dr. Jekyl Mr. Hyde bit, that only serves to make the bad guy seem like some twisted, tragic loss instead of just letting him be evil. Why? Why can't the bad guy just be bad? Why can't he just hate people and want to be a lizard and fucking tear people in half? So he can save Peter from something he caused that peter still didn't need saving from? That's a fucking stupid reason. Looking back, the only reason this movie is good is because of the actor playing Peter, if not for him this would be bland and forgettable and it's still verging on forgettable for me.

So it's passable but there's a lot here that was done poorly or just plain wrong.

6 destroyed families of superheros out of 10

**Minor spoiler**
And what the fuck!? Where was Uncles Ben's fucking quote!? I thought maybe there at the end in the voice mail on his phone but no, he never says "With great power comes great responsibility." I don't who decided to not include that but fuck you.